Personal Dictionaries

Sometimes there just aren't enough words. Like when you practically pierce your knee against a table's edge and would like nothing better than to spew a dump-and-a-half's worth of verbal filth while the pain crescendos, but your toddler--who's learning about 800 new words a day--is staring up at you, just waiting for you to spill The Mother of All Curse words--the one that will make your own mother spank you--so you must bite a hole through your tongue. Yep, a new word might come in handy then.

If you've never visited pseudodictionary.com, you should treat yourself. Jay, one of my HIWs (heroes-in-waiting) pretty much considers this site his bible. He doesn't feel comfortable being linguistically normal, which is fine with me, because he is fun-fun-fun to write. Here are a few of his faves:


DREADLINE: A dreaded deadline.
LOSER LINT: The little latex scraps that you get and leave behind if you carelessly scratch a scratch-and-lose lottery ticket.
STEEPLECHASED: To run someone out of a relationship by pressuring him to get married.
ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
PIEHOLE: mouth
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.
LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
GARGOLYLE: An olive-flavored mouthwash.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...").
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
LOAD RAGE: Getting angry at slow downloads.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
LIPJOCKEY: A person who's constantly interrupting.

New words can liven up a manuscript and round out a character. Don't think this applies to you if you're writing a historical? It could; if the character is unconventional. Imagine:

MEDIEVIL: just medium evil.
STENCH: A stinky wench.

Um, okay, I'll stop now. But you get the idea. ;)